For Kunane and Frankie, being there for each other is second nature.

They met 30 years ago at Frankie’s 50th birthday party, introduced through a mutual friend. What began as friendship deepened over the years as their lives became intertwined — through their mothers, shared meals, laughter, loss, and the everyday moments of being there for one another.

Care was never something they had to call by a name. It was simply what friends do.

Three decades later, that care still goes both ways.

Showing Up

When Frankie’s mother came to live with him, Kunane became part of her life. And when Kunane’s mother needed someone to check on her, Frankie was there.

As a physician assistant who had spent years working in an emergency room, Frankie became Kunane’s go-to when his mother wasn’t feeling well. But his role quickly became more than medical advice.

He would stop by in the morning, prepare breakfast, and spend time with her. Sometimes they worked on crossword puzzles. Sometimes they simply sat together.

“She was such a delight,” Frankie remembers.

There was never a sense of obligation. Frankie came because he wanted to. That’s what friends do.

Care Without a Title

As people evolve with age, so did their friendship and the ways they cared for each other. Frankie is now 80, and Kunane is 60.

Kunane remembers how naturally their roles evolved over time. As their mothers got older, they found themselves taking on different responsibilities. Now, with Frankie being older, Kunane checks in more often, not because Frankie is in need of care; it’s simply because he wants to make sure he’s okay.

“I don’t necessarily look at it as I’m the caregiver. It’s just kind of the way the relationship is,” he said.

For Kunane, caring for the people in his life has always felt natural. Growing up as the youngest child in his family, he understood from an early age that he would likely be the one to care for his parents as they grew older. And that’s exactly what happened.

But caregiving, to Kunane, isn’t about doing everything for someone. Sometimes it’s much simpler.

“It could be anything from just sharing time, to driving someone to an appointment, to actually providing care in someone’s home,” he said. “Care looks different for each person.”

A Friendship Built on Trust

Over 30 years, their friendship has carried them through some of life’s most difficult moments.

In 2012, Frankie was struck by a car and spent three months in the hospital. Frankie doesn’t remember much of those first days, but he remembers being told that Kunane was there when he arrived at the emergency room and stayed by his side.

“I had some other friends, straight friends too, that came,” Frankie said. “But not like him. Not like him. He’s special.”

That kind of trust has only deepened with time.

When Frankie recently fell in his kitchen and couldn’t get back up, he called Kunane. Within minutes, Kunane was there to help him to his feet.

Showing up isn’t something they have to think about. It’s simply what they do.

The People We Choose

For Kunane, family has never been limited to the people he was born into.

Growing up in Hauʻula, he experienced a community where neighbors looked after one another. If you were at someone’s house at dinnertime, you ate dinner there. If someone was away, neighbors checked in.

After his mother passed, Kunane learned that his neighbor had created a simple routine: if the kitchen curtain wasn’t open by 9 a.m., she would cross the street to make sure his mother was okay. His neighbors looked out for each other as any family would.

And throughout his life, Kunane has found that same sense of belonging within his LGBTQIA+ community, his recovery community, and the many people who have become part of his chosen family.

“I think many of us have these chosen families that come about naturally just because of relationships,” he said.

For people who may not have traditional family support, those relationships can become especially meaningful. They become the people you call. The people who check in. The people who show up.

Care Goes Both Ways

Frankie has spent years caring for others too.

At 80, he still volunteers through a kūpuna program, driving older adults to medical appointments and waiting for them until they’re ready to go home. He even bought a vehicle with enough room to accommodate people who use wheelchairs.

For Kunane, that generosity is part of what makes their friendship so meaningful.

“I’m very grateful for the friendship,” he said. “Because it goes beyond just he and I.”

Their lives have always seemed to overlap in this way: caring for mothers, caring for friends, caring for neighbors, and caring for people they may barely know.

Neither sees it as extraordinary, yet there is something special about a friendship that lasts 30 years and continues to grow.

Simply Being There

“I’m very happy to have a friend like him,” Frankie said. “I feel secure in the friendship. Even when he screams at me and I scream at him. We got something to say to each other. That’s the best part.”

For Kunane, the word that comes to mind is gratitude.

Grateful for what Frankie has done for him. Grateful for what Frankie has done for his mother. Grateful for the ways he continues to care for others. And grateful for a friendship that has become a special part of both of their lives.

That gratitude is at the heart of what they’ve built together: a friendship where care is simply part of showing up for one another.

Sometimes it’s a phone call.

A home-cooked meal.

A ride to an appointment.

A hand reaching down to help you back up.

Or simply sitting beside someone and saying, without having to say it at all:

I’m here.